Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Let me tell you about my goal.

OK, as you may have noticed, I haven't done yoga since last Wednesday. As the days went by without the yoga, I said to myself, "Self, you are pathetic. You can't even do this yoga thing 40 days in a row? Where's your WILLPOWER? Hmm, it's not around today. OK, I'll make it up at the end." After awhile this changed to, "So why aren't you doing yoga? Don't you want to feel relaxed? No, wait, I feel plenty relaxed without the yoga, and in fact, the yoga is starting to stress me out!
Stress you out? Self, what are you talking about?
Well, the yoga has gone from something I want to do and feel good about doing, producing restful results, to something I'm pretty much dreading every day.
Why would you dread it??
Well, the pressure to just accomplish it every day, in the framework of my stated goal, was more at the forefront of my mind when doing it, than actually enjoying it. Sort of doing it and being glad it was over so I could check it off. And not being that relaxed about it, really. A sort of panic to not slip up.
So let's see, have you felt irritable and impatient during all these days you've been slacking off on the goal?
No! No, in fact, I feel more relaxed about, well, abandoning the goal and not having that pressure every day.
But quitters never win! That's not you! You can't just abandon your goal!
You're right, I would feel COMPLETELY LAME if I totally gave it up. I'm thinking that I'll only feel, maybe, 60% lame for finishing out this week's break from my goal before starting again! Then I can complete the last 12 days in a row, call it even, and let myself stop.
But your goal is all about reaping the benefits of continuity! You've totally failed already!
Yes, but aren't I supposed to be learning from this yoga? Feeling like a failure accomplishes nothing! It's not relaxing! I realize now that my expectation of 40 days of straight yoga, the same program, over and over and over again, was unrealistic! I need a freakin' break! And the break is letting me realize I don't want to abandon everything, I'll do 12 more days of the program, but I'm also not going to keep adding days at the end and making myself crazy! C'mon, this is what I'm trying to avoid in the first place: anxiety, pressure, perfectionism!
But you're not perfect! You are a chumpus who fails and flakes out!
Well yes, Self, we went over this. I guess I am weak, a little bit. But at least I'm not giving up completely!
But you weren't perfect and you have to feel bad now!
No!
But . . . perfect!
But . . . NO! I'm tired of this discussion, we've had it so often over the past 15ish years, I'm just admitting once again that I have flaws like everybody does! Can you please get that through your thick skull?
Well, it's your thick skull, too; you're talking to yourself.
Oh, right. I know. I just . . . stupid yoga goal, maybe it was more trouble than it was worth. Setting myself up to fail and all that.
.....
No, I think it's been very informative. 12 more days, starting tomorrow, forget about this week, and then you can do any yoga program, anytime you want.
Good, I like the basic stretch program!
Really? Me, too!
Yoga is fun, but I need some variety, some flexibility, and some self-acceptance.
Indeed.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Yoga 14

I did my yoga Tuesday night, but I fell asleep for 75% of it! So I must have been REALLY relaxed! Ha!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Fall

All of a sudden it's Fall here! The past couple days it's been rainy (with at least one overnight downpour), and leaves are dropping here and there, and it's cooler. This morning as I headed out for my walk with Anita and Joleen, it was only 48 degrees! Hooray, I love Fall!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Yoga 20

Another yoga done! This is halfway, people!!

Yoga 21

Another yoga done! I kept getting distracted, though -- bringing the cat in from outside, rescuing roasting red peppers from the broiler, etc. etc. oh well, I did it!

Monday, September 15, 2008

busy-ness

I've been feeling like life is really busy and full lately, which is good I guess! Not even that much is going on, but it feels like a lot! Last week I made up two recipes I'd like to put on the blog for YOU to try; I canned peaches with Anita -- first time canning, it was fun; I made food for the neighborhood BBQ yesterday; I got a haircut; I planted more plants; cleaned the house fo' real; took pets to the vet; made baby steps toward the prep of selling old comix online (oh you know you want them!); even wrote a bunch of ideas for my novel thingie; and survived movie night last night with rambunctious dogs and a creepy scary movie.

Today I'm cooking a pork roast, a peach pie, and zucchini bread as I try my experiment of lumping all my household chores into one day (when all I worry about is chores, thus freeing the rest of the week for creative pursuits).

This week jogging moves to Tuesdays as I start my Master Gardener class on Wednesdays!! I'm very excited about this class, and I aim to take good notes, do my homework, and become an expert! The first homework assignment is to bring in a soil sample from my yard! :)

Also planning out our heat pump situation which involves moving a huge rose bush; fixing up the guest room; painting the 2nd bathroom (finally!); looking towards Thanksgiving when my family will visit; planning some much-needed vacation time; and walking the dog at increasingly long intervals (15 mins . . . 20 . . . 30 . . . several times a day) as she grows. So I just feel busy!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Yoga 34

Fresh to the computer from more yoga. This time I experienced:

a) an overwhelming desire to take an autumnal walk in Schenley Park, and subsequent sadness that it's thousands of miles away, as are a handful of friends, the place I got married, and the house I grew up in. Weird.
b) Moxie coming over and nosing my hand while I lay on the floor, presumably to make sure I was still alive. This was so cute!! I petted her, smiled, and said nothing.
c) During the final meditation I got all panicky about past things, like paths not taken in life and what-if's and crap like that. Stuff that I'm pondering for this book I want to write. So it was a combined panic about the future, too, i.e. writing the book. I had to work really hard to stay sitting there and not give up!
d) Around this point I also came to notice that my feet were freezing, my back was hurting, and I was super hungry. I admit, I looked at my watch (such a yoga no-no, I'm sure), and just felt desperate to be done. Thankfully, 10 seconds later, the meditation wrapped up and I got to do the deep relaxation in triumph that I did yoga again!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Yoga 35

Ah, fresh from the latest round of yoga. I think I can feel my lung capacity increasing, and my impatience during the final 11-minute meditation is lessening. I was still wondering how much longer there was to go, but to drown out this fidgety anticipation, I thought about irregular past tense German verbs instead!