Tuesday, January 27, 2009

two days: analysis

I had a particularly crappy day yesterday! By evening time I felt woeful, frustrated, angry, etc. etc. -- for no reason, really. Today I'm having a great day!! So let us pick apart these two (nearly identical, so far) days and see if we can learn what my problem was, and learn from it. Or something.

First, the factors that were the same in both days:

* Got up late, skipped yoga
* Had plenty of coffee
* Worked on my Etsy site in some way or another
* Didn't walk the dog enough

Icky things from yesterday:
* A. had a sick day, rested, and obviously was not as great a team-mate as usual. I felt like I was doing EVERYTHING by myself, didn't like it. Low on empathy. High on guilt related to lack of empathy. General annoyance at self.
* Etsy research turned more businessy; sent my brain into future-spiral of too much planning and worrying and obsessing. Never good.
* Again, Etsy research brought on a bout of perfectionism and a fruitless internet search for items I don't need yet. Frustration!
* Online storefronts = frustration!
* Lots of feeling like nobody thinks like me and the world would be WAY better off if I just ran it, thank you very much. Not a helpful attitude. (although I'd be the coolest dictator you've ever had, promise!)
* Did too much internetting, past the point in the evening when the dog should have been walked and dinner should have been thought about. Hunger ensues.
* Plan to get pre-made pizza at Winco FAILS when there is no pre-made pizza to be found at Winco. Dorothy at Winco by herself, hungry = very bad idea indeed. Sense of my world falling apart, not unlike those people who lose it when their schedules and plans are shaken up. Annoyance at self for being this way.
* Also got into terrible hateful mood behind the wheel of car. I don't hate driving, I hate everyone else who's driving at the same time I am.
* Stayed up way too late, ensuring a late wake-up today. Gloom over the realization that I was messing up tomorrow for myself.

Good things from yesterday:
* Managed to make very good pizza from homemade ingredients and crust-dough-in-a-bag! yum yum.
* Many hugs.
* Watched Pee Wee's Big Adventure, which magically fixed pretty much everything. Note to self: when in bad mood, watch happy comfort movie.

Good things from today!
*It snowed about 3 inches, and kept snowing all morning! Snow is always welcome.
* Walked the dog with Anita and Joleen. Yay friends! Yay winter wonderland!
* Hung out at Marcell's, bantered with people there. Yes everyone, I need to socialize to be happy. Guess I'm truly extroverted.
* Did Etsy research, but didn't go into painstaking detail. Also turned off the "you need to consider all these things and anticipate, adjust, incorporate, figure them all out RIGHT NOW THIS VERY SECOND or you will FAIL" part of my brain. So, smooth sailing on research. "La la la, I can't hear you" skim-the-material and mentally-file-with-a-light-heart-and-smile-on-my-face style of research. Because it's not life or death, here. It's art, it's fun!
* Called the Master Gardener answer clinic and set up some volunteer hours! Sense of accomplishment for crossing this off.
* A. is back at work, so the routine can carry on. Whew!

Lessons learned:
* There is a difference between TRULY being "productive" on things like research and work, and just going through the motions of "productivity" while being generally pissed off or having some other sort of attitudinal issues. Just because you kept doing it through the dinner hour does not mean you should have, or you actually accomplished anything GOOD during that time. I dunno, it's hard to articulate. I'm finding that real productivity only arises when I'm in a good mood. It's like some nirvana flow state that cannot be entered while pissed and/or mopey. If I'm plowing through some task while I'm all upset, I need to STEP BACK and reevaluate.

* I'm about to set an hour timer and do some concrete tasks. I know this will work in my favor. There is nothing better than ACCOMPLISHMENT and crossing off the list! Whereas opening a million tabs with business tips and poring over them for hours is really just acting on some subconscious fear of failure, and makes it worse. Blah! Dear self, try to ignore the secret fear of failure, or at the very least switch gears to something unrelated when it arises. Bake a loaf of bread or something. Then the original task can be done whilst basking in the glow of success! Ooh, I like this tip. I'm awesome.

* Eat when hungry. No really, drop everything and EAT!
* If the dog doesn't get walked at x o'clock, she can always get walked at y o'clock. Or let out in the yard to zoom around, with a big make-up walk tomorrow.
* Essentially it all boils down to "it's not the end of the world" and "nobody's perfect" and "for crap's sake, take a deep breath and chill out". Hug the hubby, pet the pets, and if all else fails, go to bed and start over tomorrow.

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